What Am I Doing Here?

I find myself asking some sort of a variation of this question almost every morning while I am in the shower getting ready for work.  It’s not that I hate my job; it’s not that bad.  The issue is that I did not go to college and seminary to work the teller line at a bank.  It’s a fine job and I’m thankful to have gainful employment, but in my soul I yearn for something deeper.

I know all the answers and cliches about being faithful in the small things and waiting on God etc, but like most cliches they are true and trite and not all that helpful.  I find myself believing that God has something great in store for me; something that will give me purpose beyond myself and glory to Him, but standing here in the middle of it, things are tough.  I guess this is how King David felt in the time between being anointed as king of all Israel and actually taking the throne.  All 25 years of it, including plenty of time on the run for his life separated from his family.  Pretty crappy if you ask me.  Or maybe Joseph felt this way while sitting in an Egyptian jail waiting on the day that his brothers would all bow down to him.

So I encourage myself with these stories of perseverance and the knowledge that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to carry it out to completion.  God does not abandon or forsake his children, even in the midst of what seems like an eternity of wondering in the wilderness.  Instead he calls us to be faithful and more importantly, to trust Him.  Always easier said than done, but so vital to our walk with Him.

And that leaves me in the exact same place as the father of the demon-possessed boy in Mark 9:24 where he exclaims “I do believe; help me to overcome my unbelief.”  I identify with this unnamed father more than anyone in the Bible because I find myself living in this paradox frequently, declaring my trust and faithlessness in the same breath.  Thankfully the object of my faith is unchanging and will sustain me, even in times like these when my faith wavers and my walk stumbles.


2 thoughts on “What Am I Doing Here?

  1. Dad says:

    Been there. More than once. That is part of the reality of walking by faith rather than sight. Another cliche to be sure, but the folks described in Hebrews 11:35b-38 didn’t understand it any better than we do. But they ran (and hid) with eyes-on-Jesus kind of endurance. Eyes on the “author and perfecter of faith.” He’s got to be the Prize and inspiration.
    Just remember, most heroes are recognized and designated as such posthumously. The greatest achievements of all will likely not be noted on earth at all, much less in our mortal lifetimes.
    Our lives are like a book. To get to the good parts and eventually to the climactic conclusion, you have to keep reading. The fore-story and foundation are essential to the plot.
    Keep plodding, do it every day. In doing so you are laying the groundwork, eventually you will come to the good parts, and wow! it will be A-maz-ing.
    The deeper you dig, the stronger the foundation. A strong foundation supports massive projects. viz SAHPC.

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