Quotes of the Semester

Every semester in every class things get said that either come out wrong or entirely too right.  This semester I tried to document as many as I could…I’m sure that a lot of them will have that “You just had to be there” quality about them, but maybe some will bring a smile to your face…

“The Vatican does not declare miracles willy-nilly.” – This is the one that set me off.  I started writing in the margins of my notes anything that struck me as funny or absurd.  Sometimes I missed notes because of it but it was worth it.

In my counseling class (more on that in another post soon) we role-played a lot.  In this particular one we had a husband who worked all the time and a wife who felt unappreciated because he spent more time at work than with her.  The husband was mad because the house was always messy.  Actual quotes from the role-play follow:

Student playing the husband on his way to the stage (already in character) – “This had better be good…I had to leave work for this!”

In response to a question about why he works so much – “I have to work a lot to keep the lights on in the dirty house.”

Our professor’s assessment of the situation – “She’s got her a BWM – Black Man Workin”

A student in response to the professor asking if he was raising his hand to ask a question – “Oh no, I just cannot stop touching my face.  I’m growing out my beard and it feels good.  It’s like a chia pet.” *This is the winner of the weirdest quote of the semester.  This guy was totally nuts.

“Romance without finance is a nuisance.”

A student in response to the fact that counselors should have impeccable moral character – “I’ll kiss any girl that will let me, which means that my character is peccable.”

“This was not in a counseling session or anything, this was just one of my crazy friends.”

“She must have been drunk when she married you.”

“It is like taking your kids to the nursery on Easter.  You know that they are gonna get sick because that is when all the sinners bring their kids and they’re all sick.”

“Assemblies of God are like Baptists, just happier.”

“I’ve learned that people will tell you anything when they are coming to you to be married.”

Referring to the expectations of a pastor – “People will dress you up like a Barbie”

Referring to poor preaching being offset by good pastoral care – “Love covers a multitude of sins in the pulpit perhaps…”

Tallking about wearing a clerical collar – “It’s one of those ways to walk around with a billboard that says ‘I’m a Christian’ without being one of those crazy people that has a billboard that says ‘I’m a Christian’”.

“The Hebrew Bible doesn’t like women in general and it certainly does not like them in plural”

Every word in Hebrew is based on a three-letter root with prefixes and suffixes, called a tri-radical root.  After someone sneezed three times – “Dude, that was a tri-radical sneeze!”

“If God can speak through Balaam’s ass you’ll be fine too.”

A student messing up facts and then turning to the professor – “You probably know better than I do.”
The professor deadpanned “I probably do.”

A professor referring to another one borrowing a phrase from him – “That’s ok.  He’ll have no crown and I will.”

Referring to his own book – “It is not as good as my book on Carey but then what is?”

Again, referring to his own book – “I try to be modest but this is one of the best things that has ever been written about hyper-Calvinism.”

“All great people in history are crackpots.”

So there you go.  Most of the quotes that made life more enjoyable for me this semester.


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